Men and Mental Health: The Courage to Look Inward
Written By: Kevin Bertch, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee
Supervised by: Elle Hennessee, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #126090
Men’s mental health is often discussed in broad terms, but less often with the nuance it deserves. While awareness has grown in recent years, many men still navigate emotional struggles in silence due to cultural expectations and long-standing ideas about what it means to be a man.
Broadly, there is a cultural theme in the West that men must always “hold it together.” Traditional views of masculinity hold the values of strength, provision, courage, leadership, and responsibility for self and others. In practice, this can look like providing financially for a romantic partner or family, pursuing values despite experiencing fear, making difficult decisions as an authority at work or in the home, and handling problems independently.
These virtues and traits are incredibly beneficial to a man and his community, However, they can be misunderstood, overdone, or neglected. Provision can be misunderstood as being strictly financial and exclude providing emotionally healthy relationships. Responsibility can be overdone by taking on more than one can sustainably handle. The neglect of courage can keep a man from living out his values and principles.
Culture and Consequences
From an early age, many men are exposed to messages—spoken or unspoken—that discourage understanding and processing emotions alone or with others. Phrases like “man up,” “don’t be soft,” or “handle your business” may seem harmless in isolation, but can reinforce the idea that emotions are weaknesses rather than a necessary part of being human.
As a result, many men learn to put away negative emotions rather than process them. While “putting away” these feelings has a purpose, often for function and the pursuit of fulfilling responsibilities, they cannot be neglected without consequences. Unaddressed mental health challenges can impact relationships, physical health, work performance, and overall quality of life. Stress becomes emotional instability and can cause physical symptoms such as back pain and headaches. Anxiety drives overcompensation at work and in relationships. Depression may look like fatigue, anger, or overworking. All three may be the reason a man turns to addictions such as alcohol, sex, or gambling, which become problems of their own.
The cultural message for men to completely ignore their feelings denies them opportunity for the healing and release of negative emotions, accruing the compounding weight of unprocessed experiences.
While this “pushing through” often benefits a man’s ability to fulfill his responsibilities, provide, and be resilient in the short-term, a complete neglect of his inner life can lead to the loss of his sense of self, numbness to positive and negative feelings, and a chronically stressed body and mind.
Courageous Not Weak
Courage is the virtue of pursuing what is good despite feelings of fear. This traditional masculine value is often seen in the military and first responder jobs, who knowingly sign up for situations that involve life-or-death for others and themselves.
Men who decide to confront their grief, anger, loneliness, stress, and personal limitations in the face of fear are being courageous. Recognizing and experiencing the pain of trauma and life is a fearful endeavour many do not dare to take.
It is courageous, not weak, to wisely open up compartmentalized emotions, experiences, and traumas. This journey is unique to every person and has many different paths
Support That Fits the Individual
Processing and feeling emotions are not contradictions of masculinity; they are layers to it. It reflects self-awareness, responsibility, and courage. It also models something powerful for others—partners, children, friends, and peers—that emotional honesty is not only acceptable, but healthy and sustains relationships.
Mental health support is not one-size-fits-all. For some men, therapy provides a structured and confidential space to process emotions and patterns with a trained professional. For others, support may come through trusted relationships, peer groups, physical activity, or journaling. The key is not the method itself, but the willingness to open up rather than suppress and ignore the internal experiences.
Moving Forward
Improving men’s mental health is not about changing who men are—it is about expanding the space they are allowed to occupy emotionally. It means normalizing conversations that have historically been avoided and acknowledging that emotional health is a central part of well-being.
If you’re a man: do you feel like you’re carrying more than you can bear? Do you take time to process experiences alone or with others? Do you seek community, or practice journaling, meditation, and/or prayer?
If you’re not a man: how do you respond when men in your life express their emotions or struggles? For the men you care about, do you create a supportive environment for them to express their difficulties?
As a male therapist trainee, I often work with men to hear their story and facilitate the start of a healing journey. I teach skills for processing feelings and have a grounded presence of honesty and care. As intimidating as it can be to look in the mirror and at our wounds, flaws, and short-comings as men, it does not need to be an isolated journey.
Men do not need to carry everything alone. And increasingly, they do not have to.
At Insightful Matters, our mission is to provide compassionate and effective mental health services tailored to your unique needs. Our dedicated team is here to support you every step of the way. We believe in empowering you to achieve emotional well-being and live a fulfilling life. If you're ready to take the next step towards better mental health, contact us today to schedule your first session. Let's embark on this journey together and discover the insights that matter most to you.